DON'T SETTLE
I have a confession to make. I used to move from job to job quite often; every 18 months or so. It even became a running joke with my friends and family! When I started working after finishing my education, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do, or what kind of organization I wanted to work for, so switching jobs seemed almost natural and organic.
Looking back, I was moving around because of insecurity and fright—I was afraid I was going to mess up, make a mistake, let someone down. So, I left jobs instead of asking questions or clarifying expectations. My confidence and maturity were a big part of the problem, but I see now that some of my managers didn’t provide an environment where I felt safe to ask questions or make mistakes.
I wish I could go back and tell myself the lessons that I know now:
Asking questions is expected (and should be encouraged)!
Making mistakes helps you learn!
If you feel lost, asking your supervisor “I need clarification on my duties; could you please help?” will help with your confidence, and eliminate wasted time.
If I had learned these lessons earlier, I may not have ended up in a job that chipped away at my confidence and my self-worth so much that it took literal years to recover. I don’t say this to be dramatic. I say this with the benefit of hindsight and reflection, and to share my story so that others can avoid the same situation.
I first arrived at the job happy to be working as a coder on a mid-sized code team. After changes in company ownership and management, my team was asked to implement huge modifications to the code team. Eager to prove ourselves and the worth of the code team, we got to work. We worked hard, but management’s expectations changed so that the end goal was constantly out of reach, and nothing was ever good enough. Our morale plummeted, and the support, encouragement, and teamwork dwindled. I found myself working 10 to 11-hour days, constantly sending ideas and work to management. I gave the company the time and care that I should have been giving myself and my family.
At the end of about 3 years of this cycle, I was unceremoniously let go from the company. I immediately realized that I had given them so much, and I would never get it back. I compromised myself and my values to try to please a company that disposed of me without remorse. I look back now and think: I should have left the company far earlier than I did, on my own terms, and if I had only realized how truly unhappy I was, I may have had the strength and self-worth to remove myself from that destructive situation.
Unfortunately, that experience affected several following jobs; I came to new jobs feeling defensive, guarded, angry, and I held future employers responsible for the mistakes of my prior employer. So, I didn’t just lose the years that I was in the position, I lost years after, as well. I don’t want to see anyone else go through that journey. If I had someone to tell me to take a step back and look at the situation, I may not have stayed in a toxic environment for years, thankful that I could keep a job and constantly trying to prove myself to people who were never going to accept me or my work.
You are worthy, and your talents should be celebrated by your team members, and management. Be realistic, of course—don’t expect a party every week or money to be thrown at you around every turn. But you should feel daily that your place in your organization is valued, and that your team members appreciate the work that you do.
There is no shame in looking for a new job when you realize your current position is detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. Start your search and you will find a better opportunity that will allow you to leave a toxic workplace. Be proud to say that you looked for and found a better opportunity that allowed you to receive support and guidance to be a confident, beneficial team member.
Better is always possible!